Stacey has a good job in a growing organization. She’s smart, energetic, and creative—and she’s underperforming. Her boss is unhappy with her work.

She lacks focus. Stacey doesn’t seem to be able to set priorities, execute on those priorities, and get her contributions recognized. She’s floundering.  As I talked to her about this, she moaned, “If I only had a mentor!”

Mentoring Has Changed Forever

Stacey was making a common mistake. She was looking for someone to take her under their wing for the next several years and shepherd her through her career. It’s not likely to happen!

Ronna Lichtenberg, in her book It’s Not Business, It’s Personal: The 9 Relationship Principles That Power Your Career says, “It’s an urban  fairy tale—that somewhere out there is that special someone, a mentor, who will take over your career, then not only guide you through it, but hack through the jungle ahead of you, machete in hand, to make space for you to grow, and then in a final burst of energy, whip out a magic wand and grant you not just the job you’ve always wanted, but a bulletproof vest to protect you from the flak that’s gonna be flying at you once you get it.  Oh, and the mentor expects nothing in return, except for the deep, quiet satisfaction of knowing that you got what you truly deserved.”

Mentoring has changed forever. In today’s world, a mentor is anyone who has information or experience that would be helpful to you. The mentoring relationship is often an organic one, and may last anywhere from a few minutes to a lifetime.  You might be both a mentor and a mentee at the same time—even with the same person.

The Sixty Minute Mentor

If  mentoring would be helpful in your business or your life, identify what you need help with.  Then identify someone who knows what you need to know.

Ask that person if they’d be willing to spend some time with you answering your questions and providing some guidance.  Offer to take them to lunch, buy them a cup of coffee, or meet with them at their location.

Plan some questions in advance.  Use their time wisely. That sixty minutes might prove to be exactly what you need to move forward, or it might turn into a longer term relationship. Your sixty minute mentor might also suggest some other folks you might talk with.

Mentoring Moments

Some people won’t have time for an in person meeting.  Ask if you can have fifteen minutes of their time over the phone. You’ll rarely be refused.  It’s amazing what you can learn in 15 minutes of focused time.

Make Sure You Give

How can you be of service to your sixty minute mentor? Be creative.  Do you know something that would be of help to them?  Is there a connection you could make for them with one of your contacts? Is there an article you could send them?

Share Your Tips

What tips do you have for being a mentor or a mentee? Please share them below.  We can all learn from each other!

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Worry is the enemy of accomplishment. The enemy of success. The enemy of living in the moment and enjoying where you are.

Whether you own a business, lead a team, or work for someone else, worry can stop you dead in your tracks, can have you focusing on the worst case scenario, and can result in a case of business or life paralysis.

“I Have a Whole Year to Worry About It!”

One night, on an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, Raymond had anguished for a long time over what to buy his dad for his birthday. He finally decided on what he thought was the perfect gift—a fish tank filled with beautiful fish.

His father loved it. Raymond was so happy!

Later that night, he and his wife were talking about the day. Rather than being grateful that he’d found the perfect gift, Raymond began to worry.

“Oh, no…now I have to top this next year. Dad will expect something even better! How am I going to be able to find something better than this?”

His wife, with an amused glint in her eye,  turned to him and said, “Well, Raymond, you don’t have to worry about it for another year.”

Raymond looked shocked. “Oh, no…You clearly don’t understand worrying—this means I have a whole year to worry about it!”

He had a black belt in worrying. He was a pro.

But it’s not just this TV character. How many of us do this?

Worrying will suck the lifeblood out of your business. It will leave you timid, risk-averse, and discouraged. It’s tough to passionately go after your goals if you’re stuck in worry.

So what can you do?

Top 3 Tips to Get Out of the Worry Habit

When we worry, we’re focusing on the worst case scenario.  That needs to shift. Big time.

1. Start a Worry List

Start a worry list. When you find yourself beginning to worry, take out your worry list, put the topic you’re worrying about on your list, and get back to doing something productive or enjoyable.  You’ll have a set time to come back to your list and worry.  You’ll still get to worry…you’re just postponing it. You’re beginning to break that habitual pattern of worrying.

2. Block Off Worry Time

Schedule a time when you will worry. Let yourself worry for three minutes. But that’s it. Set a timer. Take out your worry list, and see what you want to worry about.

Worry for the time you’ve allotted yourself.  Then move on and focus on what you DO want, rather than what you don’t want.

You might even find that when you set aside time to intentionally worry and you take out your list, you don’t even feel like worrying.  You might wonder what you’re getting so worked up over.

3. Focus on the Best Case Scenario

Ask yourself, “What is the “best case scenario?” What would be the perfect outcome?

Reflect on this scenario, marinate in it, visualize it, feel it. Own it!

Then, ask yourself, “What is the first step that will take me there?”

Action takes your power back. It eliminates that stuck, powerless, overwhelmed feeling that worry creates. It gets you moving in the right direction. It’s energizing!

Take that first step toward your best case scenario. Get it done. Then take the next step.

Share with Us

So what about you?  Where do you let worry keep you stuck?  And what tips can you share below for giving worry the middle finger?

Here’s the soundtrack for this post: Don\’t Worry, Be Happy Jimmy Cliff/Bobby McFerrin

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As Bud and I wandered around Home Depot, I was struck by how much we could learn from this little guy.

Leap into the Experience

Bud knows exactly which stores let him come in.  If I pull up at the grocery store, he knows he’s going to wait in the car, and he’s a patient guy.  But if I pull up at Home Depot, Bed, Bath, and Beyond, Ace Hardware, or Michael’s—places where he’s been in the store—he starts barking as I pull into the parking lot. It’s as if he’s saying, “I know they let doggies in there, so don’t even think about leaving me in the car!”

When I open the car door to move him from the back seat to the store cart, he leaps into my arms with abandon, anticipation and joy.  He gets to go!  He’s ready for a new experience!  He’s jumping in with both all four feet!

How often do we leap into the experience?  And how often do we hang back, dipping one toe into the water, missing opportunities because we were too cautious and hesitated for too long?

Pay Attention to Self Care

When I take Bud into a store, he rides around in the shopping cart.  The bottoms can be hard on little beagle paws.  So Bud has subliminally communicated to me that he’d be much more comfortable if I’d take his cushion that sits in the back seat of my car, and put it in the bottom of the cart.

He rides around in beagle comfort. He had a nice, soft place to sit.

What about you?  Are you willing to ask for what you want?  Are you willing to pay attention to self care?  Or do you spend all of your time being pulled by other people’s needs?

Be Friendly and Add Value for the People You Meet

Bud is really clear about his life’s purpose, even though he’s never read a self help book or been to a seminar.  He knows he’s here to love, and to bring joy to others.

Bud’s a people magnet. Everyone from old men to small children are drawn to this little angelic dog.  He somehow sends out a message that says, “I’d be delighted if you’d come over here and talk to me, or pet me, or say how cute I am! I will be open to you, and will adore our time together.  I will add joy to your life right now!”

Is that the vibe you send out (okay, maybe minus the petting)?  Are you open and friendly? Do you look for ways to help other people? Can you connect in meaningful ways?

Revel in the Moment

Bud is totally present. He’s in the moment. He plays full out.

He’s not messing around with the past, analyzing his puppyhood and the less-than-stellar treatment he had from the person who had him before he came to us.  He doesn’t spend time worrying about whether he’ll have enough time in the backyard to play tomorrow.

Nope, he is where he is. When we’re in the garden section, he’s sniffing the flowers, wagging his tail with glee.  When we’re walking up the hardware aisle, he’s looking around in curiosity and amazement.  When the guy’s cutting my masonite board, he’s totally focused on Matt the awesome lumber guy.

Is that true for you?  Can you be totally present in each moment? This one’s still a challenge for me.  Bud has agreed to be my mentor so I can learn this from him.

When It’s Over, It’s Over

Bud spent no time wishing we could have wandered up one more aisle, looked at one more piece of lumber, or met one more little girl.  Once we left the store, he was ready to leap back in the car, stick his head out the window, and move on to the next experience.

Bud doesn’t look back. When he’s squeezed all of the juice out of this moment, this experience, he’s ready to move on to what’s next.

What about you?  Can you let go and move on?  Or do you get stuck in what could have been?

Bud’s Challenge to Us

So here’s our challenge. Can we take Bud’s Home Depot lessons and apply them to our own lives?  Where are we as wise as Bud the Beagle, and where are our opportunities for growth?

Please share your thoughts below.

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In my last two posts I shared that a few years ago an interviewer asked me a big question, “If people want to reach their full potential, where would they start?” My reply was that there are three critical things to start with: knowing who you are, why you’re here, and what you want.

We’ve talked about who you are and why you’re here. So now it’s time to get clear about what you want.  If someone asked you what you really want in your life, would you be able to answer them?

Be Daring and Wild

Edie Galley, a wonderful friend who lives in Florida, posted this on Facebook a couple of weeks ago:

“When you clearly define what you want, no matter how daringly wild it may be, it is amazing how quickly it starts coming together in ways you would have never imagined possible”

When I read that, I got chills. She’s so right.  Nothing happens until we know what we want.  And once we do, once we’re really clear, all kinds of things start happening. Our path becomes clear. Doors open. Connections come into our lives.

Dream Big!

Here are a few ways to dream big, and to get in touch with what you really want. They are not original to me.   They’re tools I’ve collected along the way that you might find useful.

Be, Do, Have

For many years, I attended an annual retreat at Asilomar Conference Center on the ocean in Monterey Bay.  One year I was introduced to a wonderful exercise.  The speaker suggested we create a list of 100 things we’d like to be, do, and have.

I remember taking my notebook to a bluff overlooking the ocean.  I made three columns.

Be   Do   Have

And I filled in those lists with a stream of consciousness without editing or judging.

Although that was over 20 years ago, it’s an exercise I still do regularly.  When I’m “in the groove,” (not nearly as often as I’d like to be), I do it daily.  It keeps me focused on what I really want.

I’ll give you a few examples from my current lists to help you see the difference between the three:

Be: Joyful, wildly successful, loving, kind, creative, goal focused

Do: Speak to large audiences, write a best selling book, help more women by creating products I can share with them, make pottery, hike, learn to knit

Have: A cabin in the mountains, peace of mind, wonderful friendships, balance, abundant prosperity, clients who love me

Imagine that there are no limits, that money is not an object, that your past does not dictate your future, that all of your dreams can come true.  And then make your list.

In your deepest heart, in the whisperings of your soul, what do you truly want to be, do, and have?  Get it on paper—it’s the first step to creating those things in your life.

Ideal Day

This is the big daydream exercise. Imagine your perfect day. Imagine it in technicolor, with all the sights and sounds.  See it from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep.  Where do you wake up?  What is your bedroom like?  Do you wake up alone or is someone with you? What do you do first?  Imagine your entire day, moment by moment in this way.  See it, feel it, smell it, taste it, marinate in it.

Once you have the picture of your ideal day, make yourself some notes. That makes it more tangible.

Turn Away from What You Don’t Want

Don’t put your attention on what you don’t want.  What we focus on appears. Keep your energy and attention focused on what you do want.

Do It Again

Don’t let this be a one time thing. Do your “be, do, have,” list frequently. You’re  impressing those things into your subconscious mind.  Remember Edie’s advice:

“When you clearly define what you want, no matter how daringly wild it may be, it is amazing how quickly it starts coming together in ways you would have never imagined possible”

Please share any useful techniques you’ve used in your own life to get clear about you want in the comments below.  And take a stand! Declare what you want!  Share it with us below and make it even more tangible!

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