We all have our own special sauce, our own sumptin’ sumptin’, our own uniqueness that we can bring to everything that we do. Yet, lots of us are afraid to let it out.

Do You Try to Fit In?

“Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?” This quote from the movie What a Girl Wants sums it up beautifully.

Women often look around at what everyone else is doing, and let that define what they do. They worry about what other people will think.  They are afraid of looking silly.  They stay small. They don’t want to stand out.  They dial back parts of themselves.  And each time they do, they die a bit inside.  And they deprive the world of the opportunity to truly experience what they have to offer.

To be as successful as you can be— in business and in all areas of your life—dive into your own uniqueness. Revel in it, celebrate it, and share it boldly. Put your own unique spin on everything you do.

Passion in Action

Let me tell you about a guy who does.  In April, I attended the Extreme Business Makeovers event  hosted by Bob Berg and Thom Scott in Orlando, Florida.  It was a fabulous event, and I connected with some amazing entrepreneurs from around the country.

In the Orlando airport on my way home, I was tired, my brain was full, and I decided to get a magazine to flip through on my flight back to Denver.  Little did I know as I walked into the newsstand that I was going to get to see passion in action.  I grinned really big when I saw a guy who took what many of us would consider to be a mundane job, and put his spin on it.  Click on the link to see what I saw….

Passion in Action

He shared his own special sauce, his own sumptin’ sumptin’, and delighted an entire store full of people.  And the amazing thing was, he did it over and over, never the same way twice, customizing it in some way for each customer.

So here’s the challenge.

How can you bring your own uniqueness to what you do in an even bigger way than you do now?

What would it take to give yourself permission to be wholly, unabashedly, unapologetically you?

Are you willing to stop reining yourself in and dialing yourself back?

How would your business results and your personal life be different if your brought your own passion, your own sumtin’ sumtin’ to every interaction?

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Worry is the enemy of accomplishment. The enemy of success. The enemy of living in the moment and enjoying where you are.

Whether you own a business, lead a team, or work for someone else, worry can stop you dead in your tracks, can have you focusing on the worst case scenario, and can result in a case of business or life paralysis.

“I Have a Whole Year to Worry About It!”

One night, on an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, Raymond had anguished for a long time over what to buy his dad for his birthday. He finally decided on what he thought was the perfect gift—a fish tank filled with beautiful fish.

His father loved it. Raymond was so happy!

Later that night, he and his wife were talking about the day. Rather than being grateful that he’d found the perfect gift, Raymond began to worry.

“Oh, no…now I have to top this next year. Dad will expect something even better! How am I going to be able to find something better than this?”

His wife, with an amused glint in her eye,  turned to him and said, “Well, Raymond, you don’t have to worry about it for another year.”

Raymond looked shocked. “Oh, no…You clearly don’t understand worrying—this means I have a whole year to worry about it!”

He had a black belt in worrying. He was a pro.

But it’s not just this TV character. How many of us do this?

Worrying will suck the lifeblood out of your business. It will leave you timid, risk-averse, and discouraged. It’s tough to passionately go after your goals if you’re stuck in worry.

So what can you do?

Top 3 Tips to Get Out of the Worry Habit

When we worry, we’re focusing on the worst case scenario.  That needs to shift. Big time.

1. Start a Worry List

Start a worry list. When you find yourself beginning to worry, take out your worry list, put the topic you’re worrying about on your list, and get back to doing something productive or enjoyable.  You’ll have a set time to come back to your list and worry.  You’ll still get to worry…you’re just postponing it. You’re beginning to break that habitual pattern of worrying.

2. Block Off Worry Time

Schedule a time when you will worry. Let yourself worry for three minutes. But that’s it. Set a timer. Take out your worry list, and see what you want to worry about.

Worry for the time you’ve allotted yourself.  Then move on and focus on what you DO want, rather than what you don’t want.

You might even find that when you set aside time to intentionally worry and you take out your list, you don’t even feel like worrying.  You might wonder what you’re getting so worked up over.

3. Focus on the Best Case Scenario

Ask yourself, “What is the “best case scenario?” What would be the perfect outcome?

Reflect on this scenario, marinate in it, visualize it, feel it. Own it!

Then, ask yourself, “What is the first step that will take me there?”

Action takes your power back. It eliminates that stuck, powerless, overwhelmed feeling that worry creates. It gets you moving in the right direction. It’s energizing!

Take that first step toward your best case scenario. Get it done. Then take the next step.

Share with Us

So what about you?  Where do you let worry keep you stuck?  And what tips can you share below for giving worry the middle finger?

Here’s the soundtrack for this post: Don\’t Worry, Be Happy Jimmy Cliff/Bobby McFerrin

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As Bud and I wandered around Home Depot, I was struck by how much we could learn from this little guy.

Leap into the Experience

Bud knows exactly which stores let him come in.  If I pull up at the grocery store, he knows he’s going to wait in the car, and he’s a patient guy.  But if I pull up at Home Depot, Bed, Bath, and Beyond, Ace Hardware, or Michael’s—places where he’s been in the store—he starts barking as I pull into the parking lot. It’s as if he’s saying, “I know they let doggies in there, so don’t even think about leaving me in the car!”

When I open the car door to move him from the back seat to the store cart, he leaps into my arms with abandon, anticipation and joy.  He gets to go!  He’s ready for a new experience!  He’s jumping in with both all four feet!

How often do we leap into the experience?  And how often do we hang back, dipping one toe into the water, missing opportunities because we were too cautious and hesitated for too long?

Pay Attention to Self Care

When I take Bud into a store, he rides around in the shopping cart.  The bottoms can be hard on little beagle paws.  So Bud has subliminally communicated to me that he’d be much more comfortable if I’d take his cushion that sits in the back seat of my car, and put it in the bottom of the cart.

He rides around in beagle comfort. He had a nice, soft place to sit.

What about you?  Are you willing to ask for what you want?  Are you willing to pay attention to self care?  Or do you spend all of your time being pulled by other people’s needs?

Be Friendly and Add Value for the People You Meet

Bud is really clear about his life’s purpose, even though he’s never read a self help book or been to a seminar.  He knows he’s here to love, and to bring joy to others.

Bud’s a people magnet. Everyone from old men to small children are drawn to this little angelic dog.  He somehow sends out a message that says, “I’d be delighted if you’d come over here and talk to me, or pet me, or say how cute I am! I will be open to you, and will adore our time together.  I will add joy to your life right now!”

Is that the vibe you send out (okay, maybe minus the petting)?  Are you open and friendly? Do you look for ways to help other people? Can you connect in meaningful ways?

Revel in the Moment

Bud is totally present. He’s in the moment. He plays full out.

He’s not messing around with the past, analyzing his puppyhood and the less-than-stellar treatment he had from the person who had him before he came to us.  He doesn’t spend time worrying about whether he’ll have enough time in the backyard to play tomorrow.

Nope, he is where he is. When we’re in the garden section, he’s sniffing the flowers, wagging his tail with glee.  When we’re walking up the hardware aisle, he’s looking around in curiosity and amazement.  When the guy’s cutting my masonite board, he’s totally focused on Matt the awesome lumber guy.

Is that true for you?  Can you be totally present in each moment? This one’s still a challenge for me.  Bud has agreed to be my mentor so I can learn this from him.

When It’s Over, It’s Over

Bud spent no time wishing we could have wandered up one more aisle, looked at one more piece of lumber, or met one more little girl.  Once we left the store, he was ready to leap back in the car, stick his head out the window, and move on to the next experience.

Bud doesn’t look back. When he’s squeezed all of the juice out of this moment, this experience, he’s ready to move on to what’s next.

What about you?  Can you let go and move on?  Or do you get stuck in what could have been?

Bud’s Challenge to Us

So here’s our challenge. Can we take Bud’s Home Depot lessons and apply them to our own lives?  Where are we as wise as Bud the Beagle, and where are our opportunities for growth?

Please share your thoughts below.

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In my last two posts I shared that a few years ago an interviewer asked me a big question, “If people want to reach their full potential, where would they start?” My reply was that there are three critical things to start with: knowing who you are, why you’re here, and what you want.

We’ve talked about who you are and why you’re here. So now it’s time to get clear about what you want.  If someone asked you what you really want in your life, would you be able to answer them?

Be Daring and Wild

Edie Galley, a wonderful friend who lives in Florida, posted this on Facebook a couple of weeks ago:

“When you clearly define what you want, no matter how daringly wild it may be, it is amazing how quickly it starts coming together in ways you would have never imagined possible”

When I read that, I got chills. She’s so right.  Nothing happens until we know what we want.  And once we do, once we’re really clear, all kinds of things start happening. Our path becomes clear. Doors open. Connections come into our lives.

Dream Big!

Here are a few ways to dream big, and to get in touch with what you really want. They are not original to me.   They’re tools I’ve collected along the way that you might find useful.

Be, Do, Have

For many years, I attended an annual retreat at Asilomar Conference Center on the ocean in Monterey Bay.  One year I was introduced to a wonderful exercise.  The speaker suggested we create a list of 100 things we’d like to be, do, and have.

I remember taking my notebook to a bluff overlooking the ocean.  I made three columns.

Be   Do   Have

And I filled in those lists with a stream of consciousness without editing or judging.

Although that was over 20 years ago, it’s an exercise I still do regularly.  When I’m “in the groove,” (not nearly as often as I’d like to be), I do it daily.  It keeps me focused on what I really want.

I’ll give you a few examples from my current lists to help you see the difference between the three:

Be: Joyful, wildly successful, loving, kind, creative, goal focused

Do: Speak to large audiences, write a best selling book, help more women by creating products I can share with them, make pottery, hike, learn to knit

Have: A cabin in the mountains, peace of mind, wonderful friendships, balance, abundant prosperity, clients who love me

Imagine that there are no limits, that money is not an object, that your past does not dictate your future, that all of your dreams can come true.  And then make your list.

In your deepest heart, in the whisperings of your soul, what do you truly want to be, do, and have?  Get it on paper—it’s the first step to creating those things in your life.

Ideal Day

This is the big daydream exercise. Imagine your perfect day. Imagine it in technicolor, with all the sights and sounds.  See it from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep.  Where do you wake up?  What is your bedroom like?  Do you wake up alone or is someone with you? What do you do first?  Imagine your entire day, moment by moment in this way.  See it, feel it, smell it, taste it, marinate in it.

Once you have the picture of your ideal day, make yourself some notes. That makes it more tangible.

Turn Away from What You Don’t Want

Don’t put your attention on what you don’t want.  What we focus on appears. Keep your energy and attention focused on what you do want.

Do It Again

Don’t let this be a one time thing. Do your “be, do, have,” list frequently. You’re  impressing those things into your subconscious mind.  Remember Edie’s advice:

“When you clearly define what you want, no matter how daringly wild it may be, it is amazing how quickly it starts coming together in ways you would have never imagined possible”

Please share any useful techniques you’ve used in your own life to get clear about you want in the comments below.  And take a stand! Declare what you want!  Share it with us below and make it even more tangible!

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Why Are You Here?

Last week, I shared that a few years ago, an interviewer asked me a big question, “If people want to reach their full potential, where would they start?” And that my reply was that there are three critical things to start with: knowing who you are, why you’re here, and what you want.

So if I asked you why you’re here, on this planet, at this time, would you have an answer?  Do you know what your life purpose is? Does it guide you?

It’s Bigger Than Goals

Your purpose transcends your goals.  It’s the big picture.  It answers the question, “What are you here to do?” It’s inspiring, engaging and clear.  It creates a passion, a feeling of significance, a focus for your life. Identifying your purpose enables you to choose what to give your time, energy, and attention to rather than being sidetracked by distractions.

I’m embarrassed to say that throughout my childhood and early adulthood, I was famous for my “five minute ideas.” That’s what my friends and my family called them.  I’d get a big idea, a big vision, pursue it briefly with great passion— then I was off to something else that caught my attention and captured my imagination.  My life lacked focus.  I chased bright, shiny objects. I had the attention span of a three year old.

Once I discovered my life purpose, I found the focus my life had been lacking. Suddenly, a lot of my life experiences lined up. They made sense. They were leading me to this realization.

I knew what I was here to do. I learned to say, “no” to things that weren’t aligned with my purpose.

5 Steps to Clarity

You may be wondering, “How the heck do I get clear about my life purpose? That sounds like a huge undertaking!”

It’s not as huge as it sounds. Here’s a process for you.

First, identify your UDQs, your unique, distinctive qualities, such as intelligence,curiosity, exuberance, integrity, commitment.   To get to these, you might think about how you’d describe yourself, or qualities that others have pointed out to you.

If you’re really stuck, ask a few friends what they think your distinctive qualities are.  As part of a planning process I used for this year, I did this. It was quite interesting to see how my friends and colleagues perceived me, and how similar and different they were from my own perceptions.

Second, think of the impact you’d like to have on the world, and on those you interact with. How will people and the world be better off as a result of your having lived your purpose?  Dream about this a little.  Imagine it vividly!

Third, make a list of as many action verbs as you can think of. Try each one on.  Circle those that get you excited, that speak to you.  Then narrow it down to two or three.  Examples of action verbs might be such things as build, motivate, educate, defend, discover, communicate, share, produce, work, explore, and improve.

Fourth, identify who you’re here to impact or help.

Fifth, combine your work in the first four steps into your Life Purpose Statement. Play with the words. Combine them in different ways.  Write down your purpose, go off and leave it for a while, then come back to it.  Is it simple? Clear? Easy to understand? Brief enough to remember?  Does it inspire and excite you?  Does it give you goosebumps?

As an example, here’s mine:

To make a difference by inspiring and empowering people

to live their dreams.

When you have your statement, post it where you will see it.  Carry it in your wallet.

Engage with it each day.  It will provide you with inner guidance, direction, and focus. It will lead you to everything that will support it, and give you the permission to say, “no” to the things that don’t.

I can’t wait to hear what your life purpose is!  Won’t you share it with us in the comments?

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A few years ago, an interviewer asked me a big question, “If people want to reach their full potential, where would they start?” That’s a great question!  I told him it’s critical to start with three things—knowing who you are, why you’re here, and what you want.

These three things will be the focus of my next three posts.  I want to share this with you because without solid grounding in these three things, it’s too easy to lose focus and get distracted by the next bright, shiny object. Then, your dreams die slowly. Your life gets off track.  You spend all of your time responding to other peoples’ needs and desires, because you’re not clear on your own.

And you’re left with the feeling that there’s got to be more to life than this.

Who The Heck Are You Really?

The place to begin is having deep knowledge of yourself— of who you are at the core of your being.  Not what society says you should be, not what the expectations of the people in your life say you should be—but who you really are. As a woman.  As a feisty woman.  As a very feisty woman.

Here are some questions to help you explore this a bit.

I’d suggest that you not just read through these, say, “Interesting”, and move on to your next task.  Take some quiet time and ask yourself these questions, one at a time. Spend a little bit of time reflecting on each one before you move to the next.

12 ½  Questions to Ponder

1. 1. 1. What is most important to me in my life?
      2. What are my deepest, most cherished values and how do I live them?
      3. What do I deeply enjoy doing?             3½.   What brings me the most joy?
      4. What have been the happiest moments in my life and why?
      5. What fulfills me and gives me great satisfaction?
      6. What makes me want to pump my fist up in the air and yell, “Yes!”?
      7. At what times does life feel the most juicy, and like I’m getting the most out of life?
      8. What part do relationships play in my life?
      9. What would I be doing with my life if money were no object?
      10. What gifts can I share with the world?
      11. What would I do if I knew that success was guaranteed and I would not fail?
      12. What do I want to be remembered for in my lifetime?

 

Go Deep!

If you want to take this even deeper, answer a question—then ask yourself, “Why is that important to me?”  Then take that answer, and ask “Why is that important to me?” Then take that answer, and ask “Why is that important to me?” Then take that answer, and ask “Why is that important to me?” You might be surprised where those answers take you. Use this process for each question.

Now What?

Once you know who you are, you’re one step closer to reaching your full potential. You know what’s important to you. You know what your priorities are. You know where you want to invest your time and energy.  And this gives you permission to say “no” to all the rest—to the potential distractions, to things that don’t support you, to things that don’t bring you closer to your goals.

In the comments section below, share who you are with us.  Tell us what you’ve discovered. What words describe you?  Can you choose three words, or a phrase, or a sentence or two?  Let your comment be a declaration and an affirmation of the awesome truth of who you are.  Let us cheer you on!

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I was in New York City last month, and had an opportunity to walk the High Line, the city’s newest park 30 feet above the streets.  Although there were great views of the New York skyline, the Hudson River, and the Chelsea Piers, the thing that really got my attention was a big yellow sign.

“Stop—I have to take a picture of this. It will definitely end up in a speech at some point,” I said to my friends.  They gave me those small, kind of patronizing smiles people give you when they think you’re nuts, and waited patiently while I shot a few photos.

Thinking or Doing?

I had to have this photo.  I knew this was important. I knew that I did this “thinking about stuff instead of doing stuff” pretty often. It was as if they put this big yellow sign there as a personal wake up call just for me!

As we continued down the path, I found myself thinking about how many times I think something to death, research something to death, plan something to death, before I actually take action. Sometimes, that process goes on for so long, I lose interest in the project.

So this big yellow sign was there to remind me! The sooner I park my car, the sooner I can stop thinking about parking my car. The sooner I write this blog post, the sooner I can stop obsessing thinking about writing this blog post. The sooner I write my next book, the sooner I can stop thinking about having to make progress on writing my next book.

Taking Action

I met John Haydon in the comments section of Sarah Robinson’s blog a few months ago. He had posted a comment that I now have on a post-it note on my computer. I look at it every day.  He said, “Action is the biggest middle finger to doubt.”

Action. Not researching it. Not thinking about it. Not planning it. Doing it!

Get It Done!

I sent him a direct message on Twitter telling him how much I liked what he’d written.  He turned me on to the Cult of Done Manifesto, which now hangs on my bulletin board.

I’m getting better. I’m moving from thinking, researching, and planning— to goals, focus, and action much more quickly. I’m producing more and getting more done. Yet, it’s a process!  It definitely wasn’t a switch I flipped.  It didn’t change overnight.

Share Your Experience

So what’s your experience?  Are you parking the car, or thinking about parking the car? Are you thinking about your project, or completing your project?

What are your thoughts? Where do you struggle? What tips do you have for focus, action, or completion?  Share them below!

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There’s a deep truth that many of us don’t want to hear. We turn away from it, ignore it, and say it isn’t so.  None of that changes it. It’s still the truth.

Here it is.  All of the choices you have made up until this point make up the life you are living right now.  All of them.  The jobs you’ve had, the books you’ve read, the places you’ve traveled, the relationships you’ve formed, the opportunities you’ve pursued or not pursued, your self concept, what you think, what you say to yourself on a daily basis, and what you’ve done with the cards you’ve been dealt in your life.  All of these things combined created your current life.

You are 100% Responsible for Your Life

Look in the mirror. The face you see staring back at you is 100% responsible for your life.

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It’s spring in Colorado. Well, kind of. It’s not the kind of spring I used to experience when I lived in Atlanta—not the blooming azalea and dogwood kind of spring, not the lush green-ness kind of spring, not the landscape awash with ga-zillions of flowers in bright colors kind of spring.

No, it’s a Colorado kind of spring. The kind where last week, on Monday, it was beautiful and sunny and 64 degrees, and on Tuesday, I was outside in a snowstorm, shoveling a foot of wet, soggy snow the consistency of cement, wondering if my evening pottery class would be canceled due to the treacherous roads. READ MORE

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I’ve been thinking about starting a blog for a long time. I’ve written lots of blog posts in my head.  But until I launched this new site, I never actually sat down in front of the computer, put my fingers to the keyboard, and wrote a post.

So today’s the day. It’s exhilarating and freeing and a bit scary, all at the same time.

Which, come to think of it, is a lot like life.

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