“Girls Don’t Brag”
When I was a little girl, I was taught not to brag. Oh, not just by my mother. It was the “secret code” under the surface of girl culture. One did not brag. And if one of our little girlfriends did brag, you can bet that someone would ask, “Who does she think she is?”
In boy culture, bragging was okay. Competition was encouraged. Being the biggest, or the fastest, or the toughest earned you bragging rights. But not for girls. We learned cooperation. We learned support. We learned equal and fair and “play nice.”
Feisty Women Promote Themselves
Fast forward to today. Women often are quiet about their successes, don’t know how to effectively share their “wins,” and don’t get the visibility they deserve. They lose promotions, lose potential business deals, and aren’t heard above the noise.
So, as feisty women, we have to learn how to brag. We have to become okay with it. Not in an obnoxious, smug, walking billboard kind of way, but in a way that enables us to talk about ourselves and our accomplishments and get people’s attention—in a good way.
So how do we do that?
Six Tips for Effective Bragging
1) Change your mindset. You have to believe that it’s okay to talk about yourself. You have to give yourself permission to share your successes. You have to silence the voice in the back of your head that will say, “Who do you think you are?” You have to revel in your own brilliance and accomplishment. It’s not egotistical—it’s self affirming! It’s a way of honoring who you are and what you’ve done!
2) Be yourself—be authentic. Authenticity is a big buzzword these days. But it’s really just another way of saying “Be real—be you—don’t be a phony.” Share your passion, your enthusiasm, your confidence. Really connect with the person you’re talking with. Be sincere. Share from your heart. Tell your story. Share your excitement.
3) Look for opportunities. Networking events, job interviews, social media, joint venture opportunities, client meetings, professional association meetings, conferences, meeting new people, coffee meetings—all of these offer opportunities to effectively share your story and your successes. Know who your audience will be, and be prepared to share some things about yourself and your accomplishments that you’re excited about.
4) Make it interesting. Tell a story. Add interesting details. Don’t be boring. Add your unique flavor. Make it juicy. Be conversational. Add a bit of humor if you can. Stand out from everyone else. Don’t be just a face in the crowd—be memorable.
5) Leave ‘em wanting more. Once you’ve said your piece, you want them to ask you a question. You want them to ask you how you did it, or why you did it, or how it was so successful. You want an opportunity to further engage with them, to tell them more of your story. You want to get to know them. You want to hear about them, their lives, their successes. You want to begin or deepen a relationship.
6). Help where you can. As you engage in a conversation that comes from your heart and your passion, you might find ways you can help or add value to the other person. Take those opportunities. Find ways to give. Help other people. You’ll be memorable, feel good, and build lots of good karma. And that’s really what it’s all about.
If you have great bragging tips that have worked for you, please share them below.
And if you’re not bragging–how come? And what are you willing to do about it? Comment below and let us know!
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Comments
Powerful important post Ava, I do not think this can be discussed too much.
Who does she think she is? A woman who honors and values her incredible talents and the opportunity she has to share them so that others can benefit. A woman who would love to know what your great talents so she can honor, value and share them as well.
Another bragging tip –
Get Comfortable with Accolades – often as a part of not bragging or thinking “too much” of ourselves we can be uncomfortable when someone else promotes or “brags” about us and downplay it or shy away from it. Being comfortable in these situations is important to getting the most out of the opportunity. It is also an important way of acknowledging the person that brags about you, do not downplay it and devalue their opinion.
Thank you Ava!
That’s so true, Edie. The best response to someone else bragging about you is “thank you.”
Ava –
Thank you for writing this! I was literally working on a chapter in my book about how women don’t brag about themselves enough in social media. Men have no problem stating their wins and successes. But we tend to ignore, forget or downplay them.
When I teach my class, I sometimes have my students write down “100 Assets” sheet – things they are good at, skills they have, etc. Invariably the men get right to it. The women on the other hand tend to do a lot of pen chewing.
I think we need to get over it. Maybe we start by bragging on our female friends, and then move to “bragging” on ourselves.
I’ll start with you – this is an amazing article, well timed. You are a rock star!
Viveka von Rosen
LinkedIntoBusiness.com
Absolutely, we need to learn how to brag about ourselves. Great article, Ava.
One of the secrets is to learn how to use numbers. When you use numbers to distinguish yourself, people listen to you differently.
For example: “I’m a business mentor and executive coach.” (Can you hear the yawns?)
A different example: I’m a business mentor and executive coach who has create three millionaires.” (Can you see I’ve drawn attention to myself in a positive way?)
Utilizing Ava’s six points in her article will provide you the motivation on talking about yourself in a positive way, more often. After a while, it becomes a refreshing habit!
Oh Ava, you’ve done it again!
Bravo!!!
What a light you are for all of us fabulous, feisty women!!!
xo
P~
Great tip, Jeannette. I never thought of that! That’s why this comment area is so great. We can all share ideas and learn from each other!
Great prespective- I struggle with being “feisty” or “aggressive”. It comes natural to me but I “feel” like people think “bitch” and so I try to tone it down.
Leasa, I’m so glad you posted this. I think so many of us struggle with the same thing! Then we tone ourselves down, turn ourselves into what we think other people want us to be, and sell ourselves short.
We don’t need to be “aggressive” to promote ourselves. We just need to share who we are and what we do with passion, enthusiasm, and great stories!
Here’s to getting out there and being YOU!
Hi Ms Feisty Thang! Fun post that speaks perfectly to my bodacious and outgoing self. I will practice bragging now: For the best site offering humorous and honest fitness advice written by identical twins, go to http://www.funandfit.org.
I wish you success with your blogs, which I do read! Thanks
Ava – A brilliant post. Several years ago I was in the audience of Oprah’s Best Life Tour. She told us about being criticized for being “Full of Herself” when she was exhibiting confidence. We should all be Full of Ourselves!
Thank you Ava for reminding us! You Rock!
Ava,
First of all, congratulations on your blog!
I loved this post – like Edie said, this topic cannot be discussed enough. I think “feistyness” can come and go in waves, depending on what’s going on in and around us…and for those times when even a “thank you” can feel like too much bragging, a big smile can work just as well.
Claudine
Fabulous post, Ava . . . and ideas so many women need to hear! I agree with all of your points and especially like your idea in #4 to use humor. Humor usually helps the receiver relax and better take in what you’re saying. More fun for all!
Nancy Noonan
http://www.nancynoonanspeaks.com
Thanks SOOOO much for this article.
When I was younger, I excelled as an athlete. Whenever anyone asked me about my game, how I did, etc., I would always say, “I did alright,” not wanting to “brag” about myself. Looking back, I never “bragged” because there was always some other way for people to discover how I had done… stats were in the paper, or I was receiving some sort of award for all-tournament or all-conference.
I discovered as an adult that if I didn’t toot my own horn, no one would know what I done or was capable of doing. Sometimes I am underestimated because I don’t speak up with confidence… and I know it all goes back to not wanting to “brag about myself.”
I still struggle with it, but I am learning that the best way for me to help others is for them to understand what I have to offer. Which is quite a lot.
This is such wonderful advice Ava. To actually do it we have to be willing to take a stand for ourselves and defy the culture. People will think what they will, but how else will we change the culture and shatter that glass ceiling once and for all.
I love this, Ava. I often think I’m bragging, but it’s usually about creating something cool, either with paper or beads. I like to think, however, that I’m actually sharing my excitement, and luckily I have a great circle of “crafties” who love show and tell, and they love me! I think the excitement and passion in the telling out trump the bragging.
So I think we have consensus. This is an important skill for women! A wonderful book on the subject is “Brag! The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn without Blowing It” by Peggy Klaus.
Thank you for your wise additions to this blog!
Can I brag that I have a brilliant friend? She IS! She IS!
My fiance and I were arguing about this! Now I know that I was right. lol! Thanks for making me sure!
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